Monday, May 6, 2013

Westboro Baptist Attention Whores Protesting Graceland

My name is Shirley and I need lots of attention! Also, I use
lots of emoticons in my e-mails, like a preteen! I have a
serious job!

I know it is tempting to go counter-protest on May 17 when Westboro Baptist Church shows up to Graceland, but believe me. They are not worth your effort. This is what they do. They show up, they hold ridiculous signs, they yell, and this is how they support themselves. Westboro Baptist Church has literally no influence on national affairs. It's better to just let them show up and scream at no one in particular. To actually take this seriously is to play into their pathetic little game.

Here is Westboro's word salad explanation of why they are protesting Graceland:

God hates your Idols, so Westboro Baptist Church will picket one of the many major idols of Doomed USA, to wit: Graceland. Former home of Elvis Presley. ALL the evidence suggests that his present home is HELL. 
Ask the Question: How did Elvis die? The Internet gives this: Elvis died on August 16, 1977 in the bathroom at Graceland. After being found on the bathroom floor, Elvis was rushed to the hospital where he was officially pronounced dead. 
The coroner recorded the cause of death as cardiac arrhythmia. While true in the strictest sense (cardiac arrhythmia means that the heart was beating irregularly), the attending physicians deliberately omitted the fact that what had apparently caused Elvis' heart to beat irregularly and then stop was an overdose of prescription drugs. These drugs included codeine, Valium, morphine, and Demerol, to name a few. 
Some people believe that Elvis Presley is still alive. It is an interesting idea to explore. (WHAT?! You people need something to do with your time!!) 
Assuming you do believe that Elvis died, you can visit his grave at Graceland. (YES, gotta worship the rotting carcass of that lecherous, adulterous, pervert and drug addict!) I did NOT ask the Question: What happened in the Jungle Room! My stomach is only so strong.

Fuck them.

1 comment:

  1. Elvis being alive as Jesse is more than an interesting idea to explore, he inspires me to pay tribute to him by singing in my dreams, here's one example for your listening pleasure with tropical greetings from Java: Frankie Paradiso's April Fool's prank MERCY
    Cheers and keep up the vitriolically witty writing-style!