Effin' Memphian Of The Week: Inaugural Edition

Part of the ethic here at Effin' Memphis is to introduce you to people in this city who you should know for some reason or another. Whether they're leading non-profits or tirelessly volunteering; starting businesses that are filling gaps and giving back to the city; creating the amazing restaurants that make Memphis one of the best food cities in the country; making the music that is promising to make Memphis an independent music capital sometime in the not-too-distant future; whatever they're doing to push Memphis to the next level, we want you to know them. We'll be choosing people that capture our attention, and while some of our choices will be clearly nepotistic (I make the rules), we'd really like your input and your ongoing nominations. If you know somebody that more of Memphis needs to know, give us a ringy dingy at effinmemphis at gmail dot com, and if we agree with your nomination, we'll shine the fancy lights on them. We hope to feature someone every week or so, so that means we have room for fifty-two whole Memphians over the next year! So, start sending us nominations, ready, set, go!

To kick things off, I'd like to highlight a Memphian that made my Christmas special this year. (We totally haven't had time to come up with a first Memphian and do the appropriate picture taking and interviewing to get this post together, so get ready, because this is total bullshit.)

This is the Memphis resident who made my Christmas season special:

She doesn't have a name, so let's call her Devil Monkey. Here is the backstory of Devil Monkey, and why she is such a noble survivor: your Effin' Memphis is not a Christmas person, at all. Christmas happened to him sometime just after Thanksgiving, when the house was suddenly full of trees and ornaments and Christmas music and all of these things, and we are sorry if you are a big Christmas person, but bear with us. So the stockings were hung and the townspeople were all gay, like super-gay, and halls were decked, and we were still not in the Christmas spirit, because We Do Not Do That. We have exactly two Christmas traditions:

1. On Christmas Eve, we watch Eddie Izzard's Dress To Kill. (Buy it through the Amazon link on the right if you don't have it. Effin' Memphis makes money when you buy things through that link, no matter what you buy. This is one way you will help us pay our rent!) We don't remember when we started doing this, but it was years back.

2. On Christmas Day, we listen to David Sedaris read his wonderful story about Dutch Christmas traditions, "Six To Eight Black Men." If you have never heard it, go listen. You will laugh so hard tears stream down your face.

And of course, peppered throughout the season, we listen to The Pogues and Kirsty MacColl's "Fairytale of New York" and The Pretenders "2000 Miles" a whole buncha times. And then Christmas is over and done. Perfect!

So anyway, we have this Christmas tree, but nobody can decide what to put on top of it for several days, until your Effin' Memphis's roommate comes upon the above Devil Monkey in some closet or another. We agree that it is perfect. Said roommate slices a hole in the stuffed animal's ass so that it may sit atop the tree, regally, watching over the affairs of the house. All was well.

But then she started getting attacked, repeatedly. She would be suddenly forcibly removed from her perch by people who didn't find her to be holy enough for the season. This hurt her feelings, but it did not break her spirit and she did not forget her calling. So we would replace her, a little bit more battle-worn each time. Her eyes, well...her eyes pretty much always looked like they look up there, but we assure you that she cried a couple of times. But she continued to make us happy, because if we're going to have to look at a fucking tree, we really would like it to have Devil Monkey on the top.

All was well until one night, we almost lost her for good. She was just sitting there, ruling over her kingdom with that look in her eye, bothering absolutely no one and bringing tidings of comfort and joy to all, when she suddenly found herself sailing through the air, having been catapulted by an unknown force off the top of the tree, out onto the second floor balcony and hurtling precariously toward the dumpster below and around the corner. And therein she did land, surrounded by the castaways of yuppies.

It was a very cold night.

A rescue attempt was made, but proved to be futile, as it was also a very dark night.

But the next morning, a deus ex machina appeared in the pre-dawn light, when your Effin' Memphis had to walk his dog, Lula. We walked by the dumpster and I said something to the dog along the lines of "motherfucker, I'm not climbing into the dumpster, but if I can rescue her, I'm sure as hell gonna." The dog did not reply, as she is not formally educated. So we gazed through the little sliding door and spotted her all the way at the bottom, face-down, cold and undeserving of her fate. A little bit like Job, really. We were worried we wouldn't be able to reach that far down, but things took a turn for the better when we realized that a really obnoxious neighbor who had recently moved out had thrown away all these decorative branches she had used to create some sort of tropical oasis on her balcony. We immediately thought to ourselves, "those would work as gigantic chopsticks!" It took a minute, and the dog was pulling on her leash the whole time, and it was really, really damned cold, but we got her. We brushed her off and restored her to her throne, and she wast not removedeth e'er again.

Until this morning. (Yes, the tree is still up. Whatever.) The picture above was taken during the final moments of Devil Monkey's reign as the queen of our anti-Christmas. Whether she will make another appearance next year, well, who knows? We're moving, and she lives here.

But for her struggles and her perseverance, she is crowned the inaugural Effin' Memphian of the Week. Bow down.

Stay tuned for next Thursday, where we will spotlight a human Memphian who lives up to Devil Monkey's greatness, and we will make a half-assed attempt to take it seriously.

Jazz Or Burlesque? Burlesque Or Jazz? A Couple Ideas For Your Weekend Nights!

There are a couple larger pieces coming, as well as a few more recommendations for things this weekend, but I wanted to let you all know about a couple of really cool things happening this weekend.

1. Have you ever been to a Burlesque show? We, somehow have never been! That is about to change, though, because Memphis has a thriving Burlesque scene, and the lovely women of Sock It To Me Burlesque have a special show planned this Saturday night at Newby's. Here's their description:

Cupid is at it again, and love is in the air. Lady Doo Moi, Kissame Suga, Madonna Putana and Chloe du Bois return to the stage to bring you an evening of dance, romance and missing pants! Enjoy the songs, shakes and shimmies of the ladies of Sock It To Me Burlesque, as well as special guests, stunning newcomer Kitty Wompas, and the operatic stylings of Mr. Tony Lamoreaux of TN Vaudeville Review. Prepare for an evening of fun filled acts, classic burlesque and music to delight. SITM Burlesque presents......Cupid's Revenge! We will also start the evening off right with the music of the incomparable Memphis local, Michaela Caitlin!

Tickets start at $10 and can be purchased here ahead of time. Purchasing tickets ahead of time is a good thing, by the way. 9:00 PM.

2. If jazz and great music in general are more your thing, you should be at the Mollie Fontaine Lounge on Thursdays, Fridays and Saturdays. While the great Ms. Di Anne Price is taking some time off, a few local musicians are doing their best to keep the fires burning until she gets back, and it starts on Thursdays with the amazing chanteuse Jen Hall, a new arrival on the Memphis music scene. Accompanied by Adam Levin on the piano, she'll sing the standards you love and maybe some you don't know yet! 9:00 PM.

Then on Friday and Saturday nights it's time for Lee Taylor, who has become a staple on the Memphis music scene in a short time, with her unique brand of jazz, blues, R&B and whatever else strikes her fancy that night. She likes to sing "Nature Boy," and if you come on Saturday night, you'll get to hear her trademark version, a combination effort between Ms. Taylor and one of her musical collaborators and pianists, who also happens to be your very own Effin' Memphis editor. In fact, on Saturday night, we'll be focusing the show on our own work. You see, Lee is a singer/songwriter, and Evan the Piano Person is also a singer/songwriter. (We are shamelessly self-promoting right now, shamelessly, shamelessly, shamelessly.) So, if you've been wanting to hear a few of the songs on Evan's forthcoming record... Lee: 8:30 on Friday. Lee & Evan: 8:30 on Saturday.

Okay, we are done self-promoting now. Any and all of those three events will be sure to get you in the proper mood for Valentine's Day, the proper mood being that it's an insipid holiday regardless of whether or not you're coupled, but you should at least have some fun with it if it insists on existing. The ladies of Sock It To Me, Jen Hall, Lee Taylor and I look forward to seeing all of you!

Marsha Blackburn Continues To Impress Virtually Everyone

(via Mediaite)

Rep. Marsha Blackburn has always been the pride and joy of West Tennessee, as she is apparently somehow the 7th district resident most qualified to hold congressional office. This makes us worry for the 7th district as a whole, of course. She's making the news today for her willingness to get to the bottom of what surely is one of the most important issues facing us today:

Seventh District Tennessee Congresswoman Marsha Blackburn is leading the charge, as conservatives rush to debunk President Obama's remark that he shoots skeet at Camp David. Speaking on CNN Monday night, Blackburn said: “If he is a skeet shooter, why have we not heard of this? Why have we not seen photos? Why has he not referenced it at any point in time as we have had this gun debate that is ongoing? You would have thought it would have been a point of reference.”

"Why have we not heard of this?," she asked, as if it is an important question. One would think the preznit would have mentioned it at least a million times during policy speeches that have absolutely nothing to do with skeet shooting, right? Ms. Blackburn challenged President Obama to a skeet shooting contest as well, but Bruce at the Flyer suggests that before anything like that happens, she should be required to first go hunting with Dick Cheney. Heh.

Keep doing the hard work, Marsha.

The video, for your enjoyment:

Even In Memphis, Progressive Change Happens!

Quick back-story. The other day, we were reading our Facebook news feed and saw a story about a gay couple with kids who tried to join the Germantown Athletic Club as a family and were told that family memberships were only open to husbands and wives with children. It was a bit outrageous, but it looks like this simply may have been a case of "we haven't encountered that question before!" The staff asked the couple to contact their membership director, and here's what happened, via the Tennessee Equality Project (whose Gumbo thingie we were just talking about!):

GAC staff urged the couple to speak with the Membership Sales Advisor on Monday. That's exactly what the couple did. After talking with the family and reviewing their policy, the GAC now defines a "family membership [as a] household membership which includes 2 adults living under the same roof, and the children in the household that one or both of those adults are legally responsible for. Couples membership will now become a joint membership for 2 people living in the same house that would like to join their facility." The old application was removed from the GAC website at http://www.germantown-tn.gov/index.aspx?page=699 at about 4 PM this afternoon. 

We'll update you when and if the new form and policy are made public by the GAC. Raising your voice in the face of discrimination can bring positive change.

Major Effin' Memphis kudos to the Germantown Athletic Club for quickly addressing the problem and moving to include ALL families. Little steps forward, y'all. Little steps.

Memphis-Style Activism: Eat Gumbo All Day Long For Equality

Today, we are talking about food, because we are hungry right now and are about to go make some kind of chicken casserole.

SO, as we said in our original post, when we promote an event, it's because it's something we really believe in. If you're not familiar with the great work of the Tennessee Equality Project, you should be. It is, as Martha Stewart would say, A Good Thing. While we are very Memphis-positive around here, we are well aware that the people who run our state are fairly hell-bent on turning Tennessee into a Third World theocracy. As LGBT equality is quickly advancing around the country, in Tennessee, we're still confused as to whether we are allowed to say the word "gay" within a hundred mile radius of an educational facility. So, the people who work with TEP are doing important, uphill work. Without them, Memphis wouldn't have finally joined the ranks of the living by passing an inclusive non-discrimination ordinance a few months ago.

Want to help them out and also eat a lot of good food at the same time? (Of course, you are a Memphian, and this is right up your alley.) Then you need to show up at Earnestine & Hazel's at 4:30 PM, Sunday, February 10, for the third annual TEP Gumbo Competition. If you and your friends/family are amazing cooks, you need to put together a team and register by the 1st. On top of the fact that you'll be contributing great food to a great cause, the returning champions really need to be dethroned, as they are quite smug about their belief that they will travel back to Memphis (OH YES, HALF THE TEAM LIVES IN OTHER CITIES NOW) and win this competition for the third year in a row. Their gumbo is decent, y'all, but they are not unbeatable.

(Full disclosure: the winning team are close friends of mine, and it is my job to give them shit on this blog. This post will just make them more smug.)

Anyway, people, yes, put together teams (info at the link), contribute to a great cause, meet new people and please take that team down a notch.

Sincerely,

Effin' Memphis

Real Groceries In Cooper-Young? What?

Fresh produce in Cooper-Young. Imagine that.

Memphis has the best restaurants. This is why they're giving us bike lanes, because we just eat and eat and eat, and it never stops. Effin' Memphis sees no problem with this, really. But as we all know, the whole "grocery store" situation is awful, and even Midtowners and Downtowners make the trek to Mendenhall Kroger, because that's how far you have to go to get to truly good grocery store. Miss Cordelia's is great, but small, the Kroger on Union is, well...

Ahem.

South Main is without a grocery store, and until recently, Cooper-Young has been going without as well. That changed recently:

For one immigrant family, Cooper-Young is the new land of opportunity. With the purchase of a corner convenience store, Kevin and Soojin Park hope to revitalize the market for small, privately owned grocery stores. "We had a great opportunity to purchase this store," said Park, who bought the Midtown Market at 836 S. Cooper St. and reopened it on Jan. 1. "If any place can do it, Cooper-Young can do it."

Once he got rid of all the expired food the previous owners were selling (GROSS), he started working:

He immediately removed a set of shelves to make room for a fresh produce section right in front of the main entrance. In the next two months he plans to offer hot coffee, fresh local beef, free Wi-Fi, and open mic nights on a small stage area being built in a corner. Local food will be the store's new focus and in time, Park envisions a mural on an exterior wall and a deck where customers can sample light, prepared foods.

Wow. That is something that all of Midtown can get behind, I think, and it's awesome to officially be able to say that Cooper-Young residents can walk/bike to a locally owned grocery store that will soon feature Wi-Fi and art. It's so Memphis, yet so...so...grown-up. Well done.

Now let's start working on the rest of the "food desert" situation in Memphis, because it is one of the single worst problems we have, as a city, when it comes to being a desirable place to live.

Also, two of our restaurants, Chez Philippe and Restaurant Iris, just made OpenTable's list of the 100 Most Romantic Restaurants in the country. Your Effin' Memphis has never been to Chez Philippe (though any of you are welcome to take him), but Restaurant Iris is one of our two favorite places in town, and yes, if you're looking for somewhere romantic, it is so completely worth whatever you spend that night.

"The State Of The City" And Stuff

(artistic rendering by Fuss & O'Neill Inc., via The CA)

Effin' Memphis did not go to the mayor's State of the City address. We were busy. The overall feeling we get though is that, as ever, the actual state of the city is tenuous but hopeful. Yesterday was kind of a shitty day, was it not? We learned that Pinnacle Airlines is leaving Memphis, in a move that surprised no one except the people quoted in the CA piece. We learned that the auction of the 19th Century Club on Union did not go well, as the highest bidder of course plans to raze the only remaining evidence that Union Avenue was once pretty, as opposed to the Midtown fly-over it has become. A competing bid would have transformed the home into a sort of home base for businesses run by women. Heaven forfend something remotely progressive happen to the space, I guess.

That said, it is good to remember, as the mayor pointed out, that Electrolux and Mitsubishi are both bringing jerbs to the Mid-South, so it's not like corporations are just picking up and leaving Memphis in droves. Also, according to a friend who was there, the mayor is proud of the fact that, while Memphis used to be ranked as one of the worst cities for cyclists, we are now considered one of the most innovative! That is good! One thing about cities that have reached the, ahem, pinnacle of where we're trying to go, is that they're a bit healthier and willing to move around than we have historically been, and anything that offers alternatives to the car-based Memphis lifestyle is a step in the right direction.

Here is another cool thing!

The rejuvenation of Broad Avenue may now become two-sided with a project that embraces the street's industrial buildings and redefines "loading dock.'' The proposed Water Tower Art Depot is a finalist for a $400,000 to $600,000 grant from ArtPlace, a national collaboration that supports "place-making." 

[...] 

The Water Tower Art Depot would not only make Broad's well known, 140-foot-tall industrial water tower into a public art beacon, the project would transform exterior warehouse spaces into an amphitheater for performance and art exhibits. 

Hey, now, we like that idea! The fact that the Broad corridor even exists in its current form is a testament to the creative minds of this city, and we need to be supporting those businesses on a regular basis to show that we value such innovation. Years ago, your editor used to take piano lessons at Rhodes and had to drive Broad every day to get there, and if you had told him then that one day in the not too distant future, there would be neighborhood festivals and bike lanes and bars and restaurants and art galleries in that space, he would have been skeptical. That little picture above shows what it would look like once completed.

So, since this is Effin' Memphis, and part of our point for existing is keeping people engaged in making the city better, as we head into the weekend, here are a few suggestions. If garage rock is your thing, head to the Hi-Tone to see The Whigs tomorrow night. Ty Segall, another one of those artists that's on everybody's "best-of" lists this year, is there Sunday night. (Listen to their music in the Spotify player up there.) Bill Maher is at the Orpheum tomorrow night, and coming from a household where Real Time is watched throughout the week, we support that wholeheartedly. Trolley Tour is tonight in South Main -- yes, it is cold, but you can layer, and free wine always warms people up.

Regular posting will begin next week, so if you have submissions/ideas/suggestions/questions, send 'em on to effinmemphis at gmail dot com.

What are you all getting into this weekend that other readers should know about? Leave comments, either here or on the Facebooks, and if you missed our intro letter, check that out here.

EFFIN' MEMPHIS - Our "Soft Open"

Welcome to Effin' Memphis! WTF is an "Effin' Memphis," you may ask? It's a new blog and community for Memphis, with the sole purpose of bringing the people who love Memphis together and taking it to the next level. More on that in a second.

First of all, the name: why "Effin' Memphis?" Because this place is weird, in good ways and in ways that we tolerate, grimace at, roll our eyes at, smirk in the general direction of and outright frown at. How many of us have had random conversations where something bizarre/unseemly about Memphis is mentioned, and the conversation has ended with one party simply saying, "it's fuckin' Memphis." Even those of us who love the place do this! So we want to make that a positive thing, if that is possible! Also, we wanted to call it simply "Fuckin' Memphis," but we would like for you to be able to read it at work. (Also, why is the McKayla Not Impressed picture right there? I don't know. I just stuck it there, because that face represents the way people think about this city.)

Part of making that a positive thing, though, is for us to truly embrace the weirdness of this city. The tagline above says, "because Memphis is weird, and so are you." It is, and you are. You know this to be true. And that's where "taking Memphis to the next level" comes in. The other day, the Smart City Memphis blog had a piece about the problem we all know too well on some level or another: the fact that Memphis loses more quality citizens every year than it gains. Every year, great people who were born here pack up and leave, and they're not being replaced with vibrant, interesting transplants in great enough numbers to even things out. We all know it, but it seems nobody is speaking with the collective voice OF those citizens who actually are here, trying to make this a better, cooler, weirder place. One of Effin' Memphis's primary goals is to bring all of us together in some way to make that voice the loudest one in the room. If we're all united toward this action, even if it's only during our daily 9:00-11:30 coffee breaks at work, then we can start building that. Yes, there are institutional challenges and a general failure by much of the local business community and government to actually get behind the things that will take us to the next level, but for god's sake, they're never going to heed the call unless there is a veritable horde of people forcing them into the late 20th century, kicking and screaming. (We'll work on the transition into the 21st later, when the Play-doh is a bit softer and more malleable.)

So what are we going to cover here? Things that are worthy of our/your time. We have amazing local news resources like The Memphis Flyer that have their fingers on the pulses of absolutely everything that is going on, and we'll leave it to them to compile comprehensive listings of absolutely everything that's going on. We are not they and they are not we, and we're not looking to step on their territory. Instead, we're going with the "less is more" approach. If something here is highlighted, whether it's a show (covering the music scene will be an integral part of this blog), an amazing restaurant, new or old, a non-profit that deserves your time and money, a community project, or a spotlight on a Memphian you need to know about, that means that it is something that we really, truly like and endorse and think you should too. Because, see, we in Memphis sure do like to bitch about how "there's nothing to do," but all too often fail to show up for quality "things to do." I know, I know, we all have lives and responsibilities and stuff. Of course. As does everyone in Austin, Portland, Seattle and Providence. Sure, Memphis in May is packed and Cooper-Young Festival is a parking nightmare, but it's that day to day stuff -- getting the message out. "Hey, this is happening. We should go!" We lament wonderful restaurants closing, all the while knowing that Memphis is super, duper great about getting behind amazing new restaurants for approximately six months before moving on to the next new place. We lament the fact that, when compared to other cities of similar size, our music scene sucks. (It does, in some ways, and does not, in others.) But yet, for those of you who do go to shows on a regular basis, how many shows have you experienced where you and perhaps twenty-five people have bonded over your common love of an artist? It makes for an intimate show, but it sure doesn't pay anybody's bills.

There are institutional issues: you have to drive everywhere here, and, in square-mileage, the city is approximately the size of Kansas. And yeah, the local government doesn't really do much to encourage people to engage in the actual goings-on of the city. That being said, we, the creative, talented people of Memphis who are actually here can do something about it, because it has to start somewhere. So, for people reading who really are engaged in the city, think about what you can do to engage outside your comfort zone. If you're one of those who just totally wants to pitch in and get involved, but you don't know where to start, hopefully we can be a conduit for helping you find a place to jump in. If you're completely negative on Memphis, this isn't the place for you. If you're snarky and make shitty comments about Memphis all the time, yet love it just the same, this IS the place for you. We want you reading, sharing, commenting, getting to know people you might not otherwise meet, and showing up. We also want you contributing! This is YOUR place, creative Memphis! If there's something we should know about, drop us an e-mail at effinmemphis at gmail dot com. If we agree that it's cool, we'll cover it! If you like to write and want to put together a blog post on something that's near and dear to YOUR heart in this city, then file a report! Write it up, tell us how you want it to be credited and send it on! If you're a good writer and I don't have to spend an hour correcting your "your/you're" mistakes, you might end up being a regular contributor!

As I said in the headline, this is our "soft open." As you can see, we're still under construction around here. There will be ads (I know, I know), but there will also be a donate button, because if we're really going to do this, we need to be able to pay the rent. There will be all sorts of sections with suggestions for getting involved, giving back, getting your finger on the pulse, etc. There already is a constantly updating Spotify playlist at the right, of all the best live music coming to Memphis over the next month. Flip it on while you're reading. You might discover your new favorite artist, and it's cool because, by definition, you can go see them live in or near Memphis over the course of the next month! As I am writing this, it is the afternoon of January 24, and tonight at the HiTone, Purity Ring, a band that has been on absolutely every important national best-of list this year, will be playing. They are, in short, incredible, but don't take my word for it. Press play over to the right! They are the very first act on the list. So, listen, and if you like it, GO TO THE SHOW.

Also, like us on The Facebooks and follow us on The Twitters, and let's see, what other housekeeping is there? Oh, who am I? I am your Editor, Evan. Many of you know me. I used to be a gay rights activist with Truth Wins Out (see our policy on The Gays here) and I also write for a national political humor blog called Wonkette, and wherever else my work happens to appear.